Early in 2005, I lost my Uncle to Colon Cancer. Upon learning of the hereditary cancer connection, my Doctor suggested that I book an appointment for a Colonoscopy. In fact, everyone in my immediate family did the same. Colon Cancer is over 90% curable if detected early, yet most people would never ask to be tested.
I was a bundle of nerves before the test. There is tremendous fear and anxiety surrounding colon tests. That fear could mean the difference between life and death. Not being the gambling type, I pushed my fears aside and went forward with the procedure. I was glad that I did.
Not only did I learn that my colon was still in good health, I also found out that my fears were completely unfounded. A colonoscopy is painless. In fact, I rather enjoyed the happy drugs that they administered to me. After being prepped and laying on a gurney awaiting my turn, the nurse wheeled out another patient, a man who was blissfully relaxed after having his colonoscopy completed. While I and a handful of others waited nervously for our turn, this man kept us completely amused with one ass joke after another. Clearly, he was not suffering.
And if you are worried about having your bare assets exposed to the world - don't. The days of hospital garments that expose your backside to an entire waiting room of people are over. You are sufficiently covered before, during and after the procedure. The medical profession has finally figured out that embarrassing their patients is no way to get you to get tested.
If you are over 50, have a family history of colon cancer or experience any of the warning signs listed below, ask your doctor if a colonoscopy is right for you.
Warning Signs of Colorectal Cancer
Blood in or on the stool (either bright red or very dark in colour)
A persistent change in normal bowel habits such as diarrhea, constipation or both, for no apparent reason
Frequent or constant cramps if they last for more than a few days
Stools that are narrower than usual
General stomach discomfort (bloating, fullness and/or cramps)
Frequent gas pains
A strong and continuing need to move your bowels, but with little stool
A feeling that the bowel does not empty completely
Top 10 one-liners to amuse hospital staff 1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before." 2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?" 3. "Can you hear me NOW?" 4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" 5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married." 6. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey ..." 7. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!" 8."If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!" 9. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity." 10. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"
